So, here I am.
Tomorrow is Willow Day and I have a lot on my mind. What in the world is Willow Day, you ask? Tomorrow MCHN (My Curly Haired Niece) becomes my daughter, Willow Crystine. I've gotten the gamut of responses when I've told people along our way about our little story. Let me assure you adoption is not a fairytale kind of story like people would like to think. But, it all boils down to this: God has a plan for little Willow. I know it. I'm honored (and scared! and nervous!) that our family is to play such a huge role in that plan. I don't have all the answers, nor do I want to have them all now, but as you know, we've trudged along the past six months never knowing what was around each corner.
When MCHN came to us in January, all I knew was that she needed security and love. My husband and I agreed that we could provide that for her. We were never sure how long MCHN would be with us. Never knew what her birthparents plans were as far as being parents...we just loved MCHN like she was one of our own, and kept her safe.
Our decision to love and protect MCHN had consequences. All decisions do, right? As far as consequences go, there were the good, the bad and the downright ugly!
So, let's get the bad and the ugly consequences out of the way first.
My brother didn't agree with our approach ("private" care vs. state ordered care for MCHN). After trying to convince each other, we agreed to disagree and didn't speak for months. My father and step-mom distanced themselves to "stay out of the middle" of the differing views of my brother and I. My mom struggles every day to maintain a balance between her love and concern for me and her love and concern for my sister (MCHN's birth mother). My sister is dealing with guilt and anger and loneliness of her own over deciding to place her only child for adoption.
Then there is us.
The consequences our decision has had within our home have been enormous!
While my brother wasn't speaking speaking to me...
and my father was keeping us at a distance...
and my mother was bouncing back and forth in her feelings of allegiance to my sister and I...
My Blue Eyed Little Boy (Noah) learned to share his mommy with his newest sister, who by the way is just 15 days older than him, still making him my "baby". (SMILES)
My Angel of a Four Year Old (Addyson) took her new playmate under her wing, mothered her and cared for her and fought like cats and dogs with her (yes, they truly are sisters already).
And this momma? Well, I learned the hard way (I mean seriously, is there any other way?!?!) that having three children REALLY IS harder than just having two AND that all the organizational skills in the world is no match for a house full of pre-schoolers.
But, most importantly, My Curly Haired Niece (Willow) is growing and happy and loved. And tomorrow she becomes a part of our family. Forever.
The ugly consequences of our decision to love and protect Willow have become a little less ugly over time.
The bad ones I'm learning to not pay as much attention to.
But the good consequences, well... they far outweigh the bad. So when I'm asked if we're sure that we really want to adopt Willow, I sigh as all the bad and ugly consequences flash through my mind. And before I can even get the words, "yes, we're sure" out of my mouth, my mind is flooded by all the good and wonderful consequences that have come out of making Willow a part of our family. And for that, I am grateful and convinced that we will all be just fine.
Happy Willow Day. =)
