Thank God for Moments of Clarity

If you've ever had a moment of clarity, then you'll get today's rantings.  I'm not talking your general run-of-the-mill clarity, like oh yah, now I get it.  No, I mean a REAL moment of clarity.  A moment where the earth trembles, the sun looks brighter, traffic is easier, your kids smiles are sweeter and your jeans fit better.  I mean a really, really SERIOUS moment of CLARITY.


      My angel of a four year old, Addyson,
with big sister, Lyssa, on Lyssa's big day.



First of all, my baby girl got married this past weekend.  Holy Jesus, was that a lot of work!!  Sweet, sweet, satisfying work, but work, none the less.  And, not an organized type of work like I prefer to do, but ever changing, chaotic, hope for the best, seat of your pants kind of work.  If you haven't gotten it yet, this type of unorganized chaos is not an environment that I thrive in, but I did my best.  And my daughter was beautiful.  Her day was fabulous.  She's on her honeymoon now and I MISS her 3 or 4 dozen phone conversations a day like CRAZY!!  But ok, on with the story... 



 

Lyssa and Kyle with their wedding party.



So, after the wedding venue was cleaned up, I marched through the door to my house and crawled onto the family room floor to join my family.  I didn't realize how much I had missed my kiddos until that moment!!  I had been so wrapped up and busy with the wedding, that my kiddos at home had to take the backseat (and not always that graciously!) to my crazy schedule of getting all things wedding taken care of.  I vowed at that moment that all I was going to do this week was PLAY!!  Engage in all things fun and childish and catch up on my kiddos.  I was super excited!!

HOORAY!!



However, unfortunately, the kids didn't seem to share my excitement...

Monday was spent with our MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) Group, which was fun, but didn't give us any time to "play" together.  So, on Tuesday, I decided we'd go play at McDonald's and have lunch together.  They love doing this!!  But, did I mention the kids didn't seem to share in my excitement??

We played for a bit, but they just wanted to eat.  So, off to get happy meals I went.  They argued with each other through the entire lunch (you know, the usual, I have more ketchup than you do - NO YOU DON'T!, my pickle is bigger than yours - NO IT ISN'T!, etc.)  Let me tell you, they are PROS at arguing.  They start out in a normal voice, get a little louder, then the little ones end in just screaming at the top of their lungs until one or both of them start crying because it's too loud.  Go figure.  Have you ever checked out the acoustics inside of a McDonalds PlayPlace??  Let me tell you, the arguing and screaming was amplified by like three-hundred and fifty-two MILLION times.  Deep breath, I tell myself. 



After the arguing - I mean lunch - is done, they're off to play again.  As I'm cleaning up their mess, I hear Willow S-C-R-E-A-M-I-N-G.  (Yep, think acoustics.)  I mean seriously, it is disturbingly loud.  Upon quick investigation, I learn that Noah bit her.  Great (I mean, I thought we were past this phase!!).  There are four other parents there, obviously petrified, watching as I decide how to handle this.  I decided this was about all the "playing" I could take for one day!  I calmly picked Willow up to comfort her, told Addyson to get her shoes on, and  put Naughty Noah in time-out on a chair.  Once Willow was ok, I put her down, asked her to get her shoes, and started working on getting shoes on the time-out boy.  I glanced at Addyson, and noticed I see her shoes are on and she's quietly waiting to leave.  WHAT?!?!  Ok, something is going my way anyway.  Noah's finished and ready and I turn to see if Willow needs help.  She's no where to be found.  I look up.  She's in the highest little nook of the PlayPlace tunnels, perched by a plastic peek-hole window, watching us look for her.  I see the devil in her eyes at that moment.

"Willow," I say in my sweetest yet firm motherly voice, "we're leaving, let's go."  She sits on her perch, laughing.  Don't forget, there are STILL four other parents gawking at this spectacle we've created today.  I stall a bit...clean up a bit more...fumble slowly for my keys...then Addyson yells (don't forget...ACOUSTICS!!),

"Willow, you better come down

or we are going to LEAVE you HERE!!"

Aaaahhhh yes, that angel-of-a-four-year-old just did what you NEVER do to a two-year-old.  Threaten her.  And, for all the world to hear no less!!  I could see Willow hunker down up there on her perch, still smiling, with no intention what-so-ever of coming down any time soon.



I had a decision to make.  I could put Noah down so I could climb up to get Willow, but then I risk losing control of him (and Addyson!) too.  Or, I can walk the first two kids to the car and come back to climb up to get Willow.  I don't like either choice much, but I decide I can see the PlayPlace from the car, so I'll put the kids in quickly and come back for Willow.  My decision seems faulty, and as all these "what-ifs" invade my mommy mind, I turn around to see Willow waiting for me at the bottom of the slide.  Thank you, God.  So, off we went before making any more of a spectacle of ourselves.

As the kids napped that afternoon, I second-guessed each and every mommy moment I'd had for as long as I can remember.  I doubted my abilities.  I doubted my decision to be a stay-at-home mom.  I beat myself up until I literally couldn't hold my eyes open any more and then I did what I NEVER do:  I took a nap while the kids napped.

OK, so let me get to my point here...



I woke up today and threw my agenda to "play" right out the window.  As the little guys and I headed towards WalMart (I'm a glutton for punishment, I know...), Trace Adkin's song "You're Gonna Miss This" came on the radio.  It's the story of a father with middle-aged kids who tries to gently remind a mommy of toddlers to cherish this time: 

  

"You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days

hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around

You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"

I listened to the lyrics and remembered how this song made me cry when Lyssa graduated from high school.  It's so true.  The time goes by too fast, tantrums and all.  As a mom with a grown daughter (who is even married now!!), and little ones at home, I frequently remind myself of how quickly time goes.  But even I need to be reminded sometimes, when I get all caught up in the mess and calamity of every day toddler hood.  No, it's not all sunshine and lollipops, but it IS worth every moment.

As we stood in the check-out line at WalMart, that's when it happened.  My moment of clarity, that is.  It started with a bunch of screaming, which snapped me out of the tickle game the little ones and I were enjoying while the checker finished with our basket.  A woman was dragging a small child, kicking and screaming, out of WalMart by the arm.  Ah-ha!!  Been there, done that.  I mean, haven't we all??  I was instantly reminded of the spectacle we created at McDonalds the day prior.   Although this mom and small child did get my attention, I didn't find myself quick to judge her parenting skills or her child, based on the tantrum that was going on.  I felt like God was reminding me that raising kids is no walk in the park...not EVERY day anyway!  However, the tantrums are followed by hugs.  The screams are balanced by kisses.  Those sweet smiles make the naughty moments more bearable. And, they grow up so fast!  

Yes, my sweet babies, as the song says, you do indeed grow up way too fast. 

I kissed the little guys, thankful for these moments of clarity that remind me that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.  And yes, I will miss these moments when they are gone...

p.s.  Did you see how bright that sun was shining today, or was it just me??