It's Time...

I really HATE to be behind the curve.  I'm organized and prepared for most things.  I like it that way.  Adopting Willow has challenged every sense of my preparedness.  Darn it!!

Our annual Christmas trip to Nebraska to visit our extended family brought more than just Christmas cheer this year.  If you're new here, I'll catch you up real quick...this past July we adopted my beautiful curly haired niece.  My husband and I want to keep the lines of communication and information open about how Willow came to join our family, but at the same time do not want to give them too much information too soon, or give them any editorial comments of our own, especially while emotions are still so raw. 

So....we include a visit to my mom's house in our Christmas-trip-to-Nebraska itinerary.  Why is this such a big deal?  Well, Willow lived with her birth mom (my youngest sister) at my mom's house for about a year.  So, this would mark the first time in my mom's house with Willow as our daughter. 

In my normal way of trying to be prepared, I'd been praying for grace and strength to face the unexpected feelings this visit may cause me.  I had also considered how it may affect my mom, who is struggling so much with the fact that we've put some distance between Willow's birth mom (my youngest sister) since the adoption.  What I did not prepare myself for was what actually happened:

Not two minutes into this visit at my mom's house, Addyson (our four year old) leans down to Willow's level, puts her arm around Willow's shoulder and sweetly says, "Willow, this is where you used to live!  Do you want to show me your room?!"

                                                    

WHAT?!?!  

OK, so the kids know Willow has a birth mother...they know she is adopted.  We have not told them who her birth mother is, or that Willow was once part of our "extended" family.  We know all this information will be shared eventually, but my husband and I had decided that giving them small "bites" of information would be easier for them to digest.  So, imagine our shock when our four year old blurts this out!

And, let me preface this by saying, I am HORRIBLE when it comes to responding verbally when I've been caught off-guard!!  I like to have time to think about my response before having to give it.  But, here we were, Addyson with her arm around Willow, telling her things I didn't even know she remembered...my mom looking at me for my response...and me freaking out (inside anyway) and trying to think quick on my feet.  The result?  

Well, I feel like I failed, to put it bluntly.  This was a HUGE moment to lovingly and thoughtfully give another "bite" of information about Willow's adoption, and I just choked.  I haven't been able to get it off my mind ever since.

So now I'm praying for the love and the wisdom to have this conversation with our kiddos.  And, I'm praying for grace (AGAIN!) to ease up on myself a bit.  I'm not perfect, though I do get caught up in expecting myself to be a perfect mom.  Wish us luck...

Noah's Big Trip

My in-laws are wonderful grandparents.  If you know me well enough, you're probably wondering if I'm being sarcastic.  Let me tell you:  I AM NOT!  They are the quintessential picture of what "grandparents" are (in my head, anyway...).  What it probably really boils down to is that they are both retired and that they simply LOVE their grandchildren.  You can see it in every move they make.  I see it, and even more importantly, the kids see it.  =)

So, on with the story...

Since our gang has grown, the kids now outnumber us.  You know...three kids, two parents (or grandparents)...the numbers are not in our favor, especially during the terrible-twos and furious-fours. 

Side note:  I'm trying out that "furious-fours" term.  My definition:  that excruciating period where your child is too young to go to school, but too old to be entertained by you all day.  They come up with their own ways to entertain themselves, and so far I've not seen anything that I'm really all that fond of!!

So, my in-laws, being the wonderful grandparents that they are, decided they might like to have each child, ONE AT A TIME, come stay with them at their house for a day or two.  This sounded like a great idea to me!  Seriously, getting rid of just one kid to Nana's brings the parent:kid ratio back down to 2:2, which one might expect to be a more tolerable level.  Our oldest, Addyson, (the furious-four year old) has been to Nana and Grandpa's several time alone, so this was nothing new for her.  Nana and Grandpa decided to start with #4 - our blue eyed boy.

If you haven't read my previous blogs (what have you been doing?!?!  lol) you should know that I do have a soft spot for my little guy.  I'll deny it until I'm blue in the face, but there is something about my son that is so different than my daughters.  Could be the lack of drama, his straight forward way of letting you know how he feels, or those HUGE hugs he gives...but whatever it is, he makes me laugh and melts my heart several times a day. 

Anyway....

Like I said, I was excited to get this ball rolling!  Bring on the 2-on-2!!  But, when the day came for Noah's big trip to Nana's, I was nervous and a little sad, knowing I'd miss that smiling face and crazy curly hair.  My husband told me to get over it, and off they went.

Nana's is about 2 hours from our house, tucked in (basically) the middle of nowhere in Nebraska.  Now, before you go thinking any more into that, let me just say I'm FROM Nebraska, so it is a beloved place to be.  But I grew up in the city, and Nana and Grandpa are "country folk".  Their house sits on an acreage with a pond, a "shed" about the same size as their house, with lots and lots of room to roam.  With lots and lots of room to roam of course comes lots and lots of toys that get around.  Tractors, Gators, four wheelers, etc. etc.  My city kids LOVE IT at Nana and Grandpa's.  Need I say more?  =)

Noah jumped out of the car and never looked back.  I sighed, knowing how much he'd been looking forward to his first trip to Nana and Grandpa's alone, and how much I'd miss him.

As suspected, Noah and the grandparents had a ball.  When it came time to pick Noah up, I grew a little anxious.  What I wanted was for my crazy curly haired little guy to see our car pull up in the long drive and to see him running out to us, arms spread wide, waiting to give his momma a big hug.  What I got was a look of uncertainty from Noah, and him dashing the opposite direction.  WHAT?!?!  Yep, he had so much fun on the farm, he wasn't about to consider coming back home yet!  OK, understandable...

Here's where it gets really sweet...

While we're all in Nana's kitchen, catching up on the shenanigans of Noah's couple days at the farm, the kids were doing some catching up of their own.  In the chaos that big hello's can bring, I almost missed the way the two little ones were "catching up" with each other.  I turned around to catch them laying on their tummies together on the kitchen floor, heads turned to each side so that they were just gazing into each other's eyes.  It was too loud for me to hear if there was any chatter going on between the two of them, but their body language said it all.  They had missed each other.  I wiped the sweet tear away that rolled down my cheek and thanked God for letting me see that beautiful moment.