Our annual Christmas trip to Nebraska to visit our extended family brought more than just Christmas cheer this year. If you're new here, I'll catch you up real quick...this past July we adopted my beautiful curly haired niece. My husband and I want to keep the lines of communication and information open about how Willow came to join our family, but at the same time do not want to give them too much information too soon, or give them any editorial comments of our own, especially while emotions are still so raw.
So....we include a visit to my mom's house in our Christmas-trip-to-Nebraska itinerary. Why is this such a big deal? Well, Willow lived with her birth mom (my youngest sister) at my mom's house for about a year. So, this would mark the first time in my mom's house with Willow as our daughter.
In my normal way of trying to be prepared, I'd been praying for grace and strength to face the unexpected feelings this visit may cause me. I had also considered how it may affect my mom, who is struggling so much with the fact that we've put some distance between Willow's birth mom (my youngest sister) since the adoption. What I did not prepare myself for was what actually happened:
Not two minutes into this visit at my mom's house, Addyson (our four year old) leans down to Willow's level, puts her arm around Willow's shoulder and sweetly says, "Willow, this is where you used to live! Do you want to show me your room?!"
WHAT?!?!
OK, so the kids know Willow has a birth mother...they know she is adopted. We have not told them who her birth mother is, or that Willow was once part of our "extended" family. We know all this information will be shared eventually, but my husband and I had decided that giving them small "bites" of information would be easier for them to digest. So, imagine our shock when our four year old blurts this out!
And, let me preface this by saying, I am HORRIBLE when it comes to responding verbally when I've been caught off-guard!! I like to have time to think about my response before having to give it. But, here we were, Addyson with her arm around Willow, telling her things I didn't even know she remembered...my mom looking at me for my response...and me freaking out (inside anyway) and trying to think quick on my feet. The result?
Well, I feel like I failed, to put it bluntly. This was a HUGE moment to lovingly and thoughtfully give another "bite" of information about Willow's adoption, and I just choked. I haven't been able to get it off my mind ever since.
So now I'm praying for the love and the wisdom to have this conversation with our kiddos. And, I'm praying for grace (AGAIN!) to ease up on myself a bit. I'm not perfect, though I do get caught up in expecting myself to be a perfect mom. Wish us luck...
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