Here we are, two weeks away from summer break. Summer "break"?? To me, "break" does not equal my angel of a four-year-old (and yes, sarcasm is just DRIPPING off of that lovely little name...) being out of pre-school and home with mommy and the two little guys full time.
WHAT?! Seriously?! Home all day!?!
You've GOT to be kidding me!!
What kind of a "break" is that?!?!
So, in a frantic effort to pull myself together AND keep my AOAFYO (angel of a four-year-old) busy, safe and entertained during this little summer "break" that I did not myself instigate, I rummaged restlessly through the millions of offerings my city has for activities that might be of consideration. Luckily, my best mommy friend was doing some rummaging of her own, which made our efforts a little easier as we teamed up and shared our findings. So, out from under the pile of registration forms and information I crawled this week, ready to face this summer "break."
I should feel happy, right? Back "in control"? (Yah, right!) But instead, I felt guilt creeping in, causing me to doubt my plans. Why in the world am I not as excited for the summer break as every other mom I talk to is?? Well, the answer to that question is hard for me to swallow...
My AOAFYO, bless her little heart, is a constant challenge for me. The bouncing, the jumping, the non-stop chatter, the constant demands and (especially!) the urge she has to instigate trouble with the little guys. All of these things are button pushers for this momma and let me tell you, my AOAFYO has them all perfected. Seriously!! If there was an Olympic event for jumping from the couch to the ottoman and landing two feet on the floor quick enough for your mom to turn around and NOT be able to catch you in the act, she'd win the gold medal!!
Knowing that I can be a bit of a perfectionist, I try to stop myself from feeling guilty and beating myself up that I can't be the perfect mom who gets this lively AOAFYO to listen, to behave, and treat her siblings with a kind and loving heart. Most times, that's easier said than done. And, my desire to understand WHY I struggle to keep my AOAFYO busy and happy at home can eat away at my confidence as a mother.
I haven't thought of this in ages, but this post made me dig up exactly what I needed right now. God works in mysterious ways...
Our pastor's words during my AOAFYO's christening:
"...she comes to you filled with infinite possibilities of good. She comes to teach you, as well as to learn from you. Even when you doubt your ability to parent, know that you have been divinely selected as her parent. Your strengths will be the perfect support she needs and your weaknesses the perfect vehicle for strengthening her through her life. "
Okay. Let the summer fun begin!
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