Why??

Warning:  If you're looking for a laugh today, you won't find it here.  Consider this fair warning.  Seriously!  Enter at your own risk!

  

OK God, if your plan for MCHN is to join our family, then WHY, WHY, WHY is it so dang hard?!?!

In the midst of waiting for MCHNs birth father (bf) to sign the consent for adoption forms, (which has been hard enough in itself!), now MCHNs birth mom (bm) is not happy with our plan for letting her see MCHN.  But, let me step back to the papers from the bf for a second:  seven days after MCHNs birth father (bf) said he put his signed consent form in the self-addressed, postage paid Priority Mail envelope and dropped it in the mail, it is STILL YET TO SHOW UP AT OUR HOUSE!  Did he actually send it?  Is he lying (again)?  What in the heck is going on?  Why God?!  Why is this so dang hard??

I thought we were doing the right thing here...I thought this is what You wanted for MCHN.  What are You trying to tell us all??

So, here we are.  Let me re-cap.  Nine weeks ago, my sister/MCHNs bm, signed consent for adoption forms allowing my husband and I to adopt MCHN.  After asking if she wanted to discuss the sharing of pictures, information and visits, and after being urged by our mother to have this discussion with me, she chose not to.  Instead, she quietly signed the papers and began her grieving process.  Her silence in the area of sharing information or planning visits led me to believe that whatever my husband and I decided would be okay with her and that she had no specific requests in this area.

Now, NINE WEEKS LATER, she asks when she might be able to see this beautiful little girl...the little girl who used to be her daughter, but who continues waiting on her birth father to decide who is going to be her forever parents.  Forgive me if I seem a little irritated.  Who are we all worried about here???? 

"I am the most important one.  Please consider me!"

I first replied to my sister/MCHNs bm that maybe by the end of the year, Thanksgiving or Christmas time, we could consider some type of visit, although I wasn't sure what type of visit it would be, or if it would be this year.  I said we should play it by ear. 

All my sister/MCHNs bm heard was Thanksgiving.

About a week later, I tell her that after thinking more about an end of the year visit, I'm more and more torn about how a visit will affect MCHN.  I only want what's best for MCHN!  I told my sister that I can't honestly say that a visit at the end of the year will happen.  In fact, I'm leaning towards waiting until MCHN can decide on her own if/when she wants to meet her birth parents.  Again, since she did not tell me what her expectations were in this area, I had no idea that she would be devastated as I delivered this news.

But, let me remind you...WE ARE STILL WAITING ON MCHNs BF's papers!  MCHNs future is not even decided yet!!

So, is the delay in the bf's papers meant to be??  Is this God's way of letting things get worked out before anything becomes legal and binding?? 

I am so confused.  I am so irritated.  My heart is aching like I never knew it could.

The stress of this situation is becoming an issue in our home.  We've all been in limbo too long.  I need to start explaining things to my four year old.  I wanted to wait until I could talk to her about adoption, but I now realize I just need to talk to her about legal guardianship - which is the actual situation we're in - so that she has some answers as to what is happening to her family.

I don't have all the answers, but I do know MCHNs birth mom (bm) hurting.  She's grieving.  I understand that.  Some of you know, but most of you do not...I have been there.  I'm a birth mom too.  When I was eighteen, I had a daughter whom I chose to place for adoption.  (Another story...for another time...)  So, I understand some of what MCHNs bm is feeling.  And, if she's anything like me and the millions of other mothers who choose adoption for their children, she'll be aching for years and years to come.

But again I ask, who are we all worried about here???  MCHNs bm is thinking about herself...thinking that a visit will make her pain go away.  But, what happens for her if a visit makes the pain worse??  Has she thought about that?  And, what if a visit completely confuses MCHN?  What if it prompts some sort of attachment issues for her??  Has she thought about that, or is she only thinking of herself??

Who is MCHNs bf thinking about as he puts off signing papers AND isn't willing to be a single parent?  I'm pretty sure he isn't thinking about MCHN either...

MCHN, my husband, and my "Angel of a Four Year Old"  J

And then there's my husband and me. We protected MCHN from the negativity we received from our extended family when MCHN first came to us.  We've loved her as our own from day one.  We've learned what it feels like to have twins!  We've given her everything she's needed for the last five months...love, security, reassurance.  We've opened our home and our hearts to her for the rest of her life. 

So why God?  Why is it all so dang hard??